Nothing Feels Worth Fighting for When the Spirit's Gone

my feelings right now?.... bumped, uncertain, pissed, annoyed, tired~

my thoughts right now?.... confused, undecided, tangled, unstable, (also) tired~

i need to make a decision!

and it's something very important. i was never taught on how to make good choices when i ever need to turn my life's direction around. don't get me wrong, though. medicine's great but it's just not for me. (i'm talking about the university course medicine, not the prescriptive medicine. in case you didn't know what this is about.) it's not the subjects or the program that i'm having trouble with, it's the lifestyle. as the student, and potentially as the professional later. i'm just the out-going, fun-loving, and free-spirited kind. *nod* oh yeah..believe it. i CAN stand medicine-related studying for a period of time, but NOT for a very long time. in fact, i once almost cried while reading too much medical stuff. haha...i know, sounds over-dramatic. but it's true. but i kept going anyway. the main reason was I DIDN'T WANT TO LET ANYONE DOWN. breaking people's hearts feels worse than breaking my own, that's how i see it.

so, below are the (not many) options i have now if i were to stay in the same university, but a different course:

(1)

THE TYPICAL CHOICE: resource biotechnology

why it may be OK: because it's biology (plus technology), and biological science is the subject i've been mostly exposed to since school and matriculation.

why it may be BAD: i don't like lab works. in fact, i think i hate them!

(2)

THE NEXT TYPICAL CHOICE: resource chemistry

why it may be OK: also, because it's science.

why it may be BAD: right...chemistry. i wonder if my head can withstand the chemistry terms without exploding. and again, i don't like lab works. and the prospect doesn't seem so promising too.

(3)

THE UNEXPECTED CHOICE: economics (or international economics)

why it may be OK: i secretly have this dream of having a business of some sort someday. i know it will take some time, though. not forgetting skills and risk-taking.

why it may be BAD: i've always been a science-based student. (but i did learn accountancy in school. can that make it ok?)

(4)

THE OTHER CHOICE: .......anything else, probably education or counselling or TESL?? (o.o)

ah..i can't think anymore!

DARE KA, DARE MO, TASUKETE!!! anata ga iru itai daiyo~

Kami sama...doushiyou na??? shirenai yo.