Hang in there, Doves!

I have a number of posts in my draft, waiting to be completed and published. They are long overdue (Sorry, guilty of procrastination and writer's block phase!) but I feel like I need to get this particular one out first for one reason - I want you to hold on to your last bits of hope and strength no matter what you are going through.

You see, everyone is fighting a battle that others aren't always able to notice.  It's just a matter of time for us to see the outcome and let's hope the outcome is a good, bearable one.  

So, if you're having a tough time trying to figure out what's next and what's best, breathe and read on.

Please, please, please know the following: - 

(i) You're not as alone as you sometimes (or always) feel.

You like your own space and prefer to stay there, away from distractions and disturbances, I get it.  I do too.  But every now and then, let's open up a bit and allow others to have a glance at what we're up to, okay?  You don't have to reveal everything to everyone.  It's enough to let some people know how you are feeling or what you wish to achieve.  I know some of you trust nobody and I don't blame you - some humans are destructive in their words and actions; they can't help it.  But at the end of the day, there are people in your life who want to see you do well.  Could be your family member, could be your friend, could be your new acquaintance....  Open up your eyes.  At least don't shut them out of your circle completely without even justifying it, you know.  Don't make it harder for them too.

(ii) It's a waiting game.

Patience is a virtue, they say.  Some things require you to wait and keep waiting.  You can only do your part, which includes putting an effort to what you believe in.  I don't know how yet but even at this point of time, the universe is aligning its elements to help unfold your paths towards what is meant for you.  Each person has his or her own 'fate clock', as I would call it.  LOL ^^ Your time will come.  Just don't give up yet.  

(iii) Use the power of your mind.

Your mind is a powerful thing; use it.  This is more than just using your brain, which is mostly technical and logical.  Using your mind incorporates a more abstract side of human thoughts.  If you think and believe that you can, then you can.  I must warn you, though, that you might get tired of thinking and believing after some time.  That's part of the catch - a lot of things may come around to attempt to break you.  Please don't fall prey to these annoyances.  If you want to feel sulky sometimes, go ahead.  Just don't stay that way too long.  Cheer up and fight on, soldier!

(iv) Put your Past, Present, and Future where they belong.

Learn from your Past but don't dwell in it.  Make the best out of your Present but don't put too much pressure on it.  Invest in your Future but don't take away its flexibility.  'Nuff said! LOL  Seriously, though.

(v) Keep the faith! 

I really hope that you keep holding on and march forward.  Choose to be happy!  Or whichever not-so-negative emotion you want for that matter.

Lastly, I dedicate this beautiful song to us!  Listen to it!

'City Dove' (Tori Kelly)

https://youtu.be/YJDPE1UhXAk

Don't know what it's all about

But every time I look around

All I see is how we're holdin' on
Don't ask me what's wrong or right
I don't even know the time
All I know is I'm holdin' on

I haven't figured anything out

I haven't figured anything anything anything out

City dove, fly between the buildings and fences

Soft inside but rough on the edges

Waiting here for something to come, just holdin' on
City dove, fly between the stars and the headlights
Passin' by the clouds and the street signs
Knowing that there's something to come, just holdin' on

I don't really know my fate

I just know I'm on my way

There will be mistakes, movin' on
I try to get to the heart of it
Fly low but lookin' for Heaven
I know, I know I'm holding on

I won't figure everything out

I'll never figure everything everything everything out

City dove, fly between the buildings and fences

Soft inside but rough on the edges

Waiting here for something to come, just holdin' on
City dove, fly between the stars and the headlights
Passin' by the clouds and the street signs
Knowing that there's something to come, just holdin' on

Waiting here for something to come, just holdin' on
Fly between the stars and the headlights
Passin' by the clouds and the street signs
Knowing that there's something to come, just holdin' on

In 3...2...1... Good luck!

Hi and happy new year, lovessssss~!

Wow!  It's 2016 now!  I am both thrilled and anxious to go through this new year, but mostly thrilled.

By the time this post is published, I would still be at the office or somewhere not too far from the office, about to end my shift.  I bet my office-mates and I would be taking a break from our work and casually savour the new year moment.  It sounds kind of unfortunate that some of us need to be at our work place instead of somewhere else around our family members or friends, being celebratory.  I know that, but for now, I can live by it.

How grateful I am to be given the chance in 2015 to go through what I went through, to be at places I were at, to learn what I didn't know well, and to meet people I'm now friends with.  Now, I get the chance to be alive in 2016!

There are a number of things that I wish I have been doing better.  Some of those things can (and should) actually be proceeded with in 2016, I figured.  I would like to be more assertive, determined, adventurous, and life-loving.  For that reason, I am launching (Woah, that's quite a big verb  for this little plan of mine!) Project PRISC.  It's an initiative by me, for me, and eventually with you and for you.  It's close to my version of new year's resolutions.

There are several elements covered under Project PRISC.
They are (P)assion, (R)esistance, (I)ntelligence, (S)uperstar, and (C)harity.
1) Passion
I would like to finally sign up for a book editing and publishing package, and get on with my book-writing.  The biggest reason why I've been putting this whole book-writing process on hold is because I feel like I don't have a clear vision of how my book is going to turn out to be.  I initially wanted to write a book simply because I enjoy writing.  However, I keep hopping from one theme to another.  I keep wanting to try out everything without having a focus.  So, I'm going to need to come up with a vivid enough idea.

2) Resistance
I will be more rational and analytical when it comes to spending money on less-than-necessary things and make sure that they stay as occasional indulgences.  Literally, occasional.  Enough said.

3) Intelligence
A trivia about me - When I was in my late teen years, I was awarded 'Miss Intelligent' in a mini tradition-based pageant called Kumang Gawai at my mom's birth place.  I don't know how the judges evaluated our intelligence, but I reckon that it would be based on who performed well in the self-introduction and on-stage interview sessions.  I'm thankful for that because it made me feel more confident and sure that being my genuine self is enough to make an impact as long as my mind has the right intention and my heart is in the right place.  This time around, I'm planning to be more culturally intelligent, if that makes sense to any of you.  I'm going to get back on track with my language learning.  The languages that I'm currently working on are Japanese Language and Korean Language.  In the past, attending scheduled language lessons with tutors was quite a struggle for me.  If my main schedule does not allow me to get to classroom lessons, I will self-learn the languages with the books and past notes that I have.  I'm sure I can do it, can't I?

4) Superstar
Not too long ago, as I was inside the car with some colleagues on our way to an eatery place, we were talking about our career path and where we are planning to head to in the future.  I blurted out "I'm going to be a rockstar."  Thankfully, none of my colleagues loudly bashed my random dream proclamation.  One of them even exclaimed, "Yeah, you're going to be a rockstar!"  Deep down, I would love to become a rockstar, or a superstar, in a more general idea of it. I might not really debut as a professional performer but I would still love to learn how to become one and have fun being musical and artsy. Isn't it the journey that matters more? I sure believe so.  At the beginning, I intended to continue to learn and play the keyboard.  I started to casually play the keyboard when I was in primary school.  I never had professional lessons on music or performing art, but that shouldn't stop me.  I'm going to self-learn what I need to learn with the assistance from some non-classroom programs and methods.  Since I love writing so much, this can aid me to take my writing skill to another level and write some songs of my own!  How exciting!  And oh...since I'm currently residing in a place away from my hometown for work and the keyboard that my family has is at home, I've decided (after contemplating whether I should or not) to (finally) learn to play the guitar.  It is, after all, more portable.  Just like that, I made up my mind. Superstar attitude right there; I'm on my way there.


5) Charity
I would like to be more charitable.  I don't have much to give but I want to help out when I can.  Some of you, my family members and friends, might have known that I'm sponsoring a child (thus, affecting a community) under World Vision.  I'm also contributing to the association's Education Fund, something I very much believe to be vital to the young ones.  It would be wonderful to continue to support this cause.  Who knows?  I might add another sponsored child at some point.  That would be great!  In my everyday life, I would also like to practise random acts of kindness.


I promise with my heart, mind, and soul, that I will put my best effort in every element that has been mentioned.
Which element do you think I'll be best at?

Once again, happy new year!
God bless..

Escaping.....For Real!

A couple of weekends ago, my friends and I took some time off our hectic life and went for a quick getaway. We planned for this trip right after we went back from South Korea earlier this year. The destination was almost out of the blue and we thought that we should just give it a go.


So, our destination was the state of Penang, locally known as Pulau Pinang (Penang Island).


Upon our arrival at Georgetown, Penang from the airport, we went straight to our guesthouse called The 80's Guesthouse. The bus driver was thoughtful enough to stop the bus right in front of the lane where our guesthouse was located and he even briefly yet clearly explained that we needed to simply walk along the lane until we found our place. And that was exactly what we did. After checking in, we rested a bit and walked around the areas nearby. At one point, we thought about renting bicycles to cycle around freely (and safely) but since we were looking for specific locations, walking seemed to be more fitting. In the evening, we went to one of the cafes near our guesthouse to enjoy some late night desserts and drinks.


The next day, we kicked off the morning by having a breakfast at our guesthouse's common area and then made our way to a bus stop nearby. We hopped onto bus #101 to Teluk Bahang. When we reached Escape Adventure Theme Park, we were amazed and excited at what the park has to offer. Okay, I can't speak for all of us, but at least I know that I was amazed and excited.


I'm telling you, every activity that we did at the park symbolised how living life is. I'm not even kidding. You'll see how as you read further. So, to me, I intuitively summed up our whole adventure on that day as a representation of life. Or am I the only one who sees it that way? Hmm...


The first activity that we did was pretty easy (relatively). Oh, I have a piece of advice - always warm up properly before doing anything physical even if it's just for fun, especially when what you're about to do actively involves your limbs or abdomen. We gradually became more determined and daring as we tried out more activities despite the heat and eventual exhaustion.


Below are my explanations on how the things that we did that day represented life.




When we're at the bottom, just about to start our climb, we take a glance at what's up there and admire the idea of being at the top. At the same time, we ponder and strategise how we will go through everything that's on our way up. Those things can either be obstacles that make it harder and slower for us to go up, or stepping stones that we can use to give ourselves a push upward. While climbing up, we try to juggle between being time-efficient and not letting go unnecessarily even when we're tired.






When we're at the top, or on our way there, it's a good idea to let loose and take a leap of faith. In other words, just jump! What's scary about this is when you're at the top, just looking way, way down can send chills down your spine. Have you ever thought of this, at one of the high points of your life - "Why should I allow myself to go all the way down after coming such a long way up?" I'll tell you why. It's to keep you grounded. Don't get too caught up by the high's of life that you end up forgetting your roots.






In order to enjoy the thrilling part of life, we normally need to work hard for it. We usually need to go through hills of learning experiences. This can exhaust us as time goes by but whether we realise it or not, it also strengthens us. Once we've earned our fun time, we better make sure that we enjoy it after all.






As we journey through life, there will be stages when what we do, or about to do, is especially important and we definitely don't want to mess it up. However, those particular stages of our life can intensify into something so nerve-wracking that we start to question "Should I go on or back off?" Even when we're well equipped with all that we need, the path that we see in front of us might seem surreal. All that's left for us to do is to go forward but our doubts often keep us frozen. Once we've gathered the courage to move forward, we can instantly enjoy the journey.




After we were done with Escape, we dropped by at Batu Ferringhi beach to try out parasailing. I'm glad that we did!







As we made our way back to our guesthouse, another one of our friends surprised us by showing up at the guesthouse! Most of us were pretty convinced that she wouldn't be able to join us. After washing up and resting, we went out to have a meal and hunt for some of the street arts in Georgetown, Penang. When it got darker, we were still strolling around. It suddenly rained and the rain got heavier. My friends and I momentarily stayed under the roof of one of the shop lots. Then, we decided to bravely (and carefully) run through the rain, from one building block to another, and so on. We eventually reached our guesthouse and washed up. Before heading to bed, we went to another cafe, again, for some desserts and drinks.


We ended our short little vacation the next day, looking forward to seeing each other again soon.




(Photo credits to all who snapped and shared them)

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

How My Mind Works

Not too long ago, I took a few minutes of my weekend evening to do something that many of us often choose not to do but are in need of. What could it be, you might ask? I took a little time to understand myself better. For real! To be more specific, I took a test (or quiz, some may call it) to see my current natural tendencies when I think or perceive. In shorter and hopefully simpler term, I took a test of rationality.


The one that I took was created and analysed by clearerthinking.org.


This organisation identifies your mind's strengths and weaknesses based on your impulsive answers on 21 of their scenario-based questions.


Background of the Test

This test is based on a variety of studies from cognitive science and behavioral economics, with a particular emphasis on cognitive biases. Fortunately, you can learn to make better decisions by honing your skills. Please note: rationality and IQ are not the same. Even people of exceptionally high IQ are routinely affected by cognitive biases, and fall for common decision-making traps.


My Result Summary

Your reasoning style is skeptic.

Skeptics are just that — skeptical. Not only do they question new information that they receive from others, but they also tend to treat their own thoughts and ideas with some suspision. They tend to focus this critical perspective on the present, allowing their views to develop as they come across more information. Approximately 5% of the populace are skeptics.

You treat new information and ideas with caution and skepticism. Spurious arguments rarely fool or confuse you, and your beliefs are based on foundations of hard logic. You possess a fine-tuned BS detector.


You are reflective.

You dislike jumping to conclusions quickly. You’re adept at reflecting on your own thoughts. When it looks like your intuitions might be leading you astray, you don’t have a problem overriding them — instead, you take the time to re-evaluate the situation and figure out the wisest course of action.


You are subjective.

People and stories interest you more than facts and figures do; you focus on the essence of ideas over the details. Your mind is more qualitative than quantitative. This trait lets you focus on the big picture over the nitty-gritty.


You are carefree.

You tend to live in the moment. You don’t waste a lot of emotional energy fretting about the future. Instead, you focus on getting the most out of life right now.



Onto my reasoning strengths and weaknesses, it was concluded that I particularly have three strong reasoning skills, three normal-level reasoning skills, and one weak reasoning skill.


My Strong Reasoning Skills: -

(i) I am not especially susceptible to the Sunk Cost Fallacy.

This means that I do not find it too difficult to decide whether something is worth pursuing or continuing.


(ii) I rarely repeat my mistakes more than once.

I am relatively comfortable with frankly reflecting how and why I make the mistakes that I do.


(iii) I can see through tricky or deceptive arguments.

This trait makes someone a good debater, writer, or thinker.


My Normal-Level Reasoning Skills: -

(i) I can generate multiple explanations for uncertain situations.


(ii) I understand how evidence should affect how confident I am of my theory.


(iii) I can normally estimate the monetary value of my time.


My Weak Reasoning Skill: -

(i) I have a sharp tendency to underestimate the time and resources my projects require.

This is also known as the Planning Fallacy, one of the most common and best-documented cognitive biases. This means that, thankfully, cognitive scientists have developed tactics to overcome this!


So, now I'm pretty sure that since I know my mind better, I can more confidently utilise my brain power for great outcomes.


Tests like this one do not ultimately decide what kind of a person you will become. They are, however, useful peer-reviewed tools for us to have an idea on how we naturally think, and eventually, how we act.


With this, my brain and I are ready to take over embrace the world around us.

posted from Bloggeroid

Appreciate

I'm now officially 25.

As much as I agree that "age is just a number" in some occasions, there are certain things that we gain only once we get older. One of them is being able to see things more clearly in a wider perspective.

So, this year, instead of being celebratorial, I intend to honour the day I was born by being appreciative.
Before that, have you checked out my birthday message that I prepared out of the blue?
Here you go!


I'm grateful to many people and for many things in my life. However, these are the top things I'm grateful for in particular from the period of my 24th birthday to my 25th.

1) The chance to complete my tertiary education



A special shout-out to my former professors, lecturers, tutors, and faculty staff members for their guidance and support~ I won't forget you all.

2) Getting to kick start my career



I've been learning valuable and interesting things day by day. I hope to keep improving.

3) Having meals and drinks everyday



Most days, I eat moderately so that I'll benefit from it financially and health-wise. However, there are days when I indulge in more 'glorious' food than usual.

4) The ability to move about



I'm telling you, walking and making use of public transportation are advantageous. It may feel a little tiring when you're not used to it yet, but in time, you'll benefit from it in several different ways. Hot weather? Sunblock, cap, sunglasses.. Rain? Umbrella, raincoat.. Haze? Mask, plain water.. Muscle soreness? Warm up, comfy footwear.. Might be late? Get ready early, plan your journey.. Security? Prepare a potential defence 'weapon', stay alert.. What more excuses do you have?

5) Technological devices



In this millennium, a lot of us can't live without our devices. I'm not helplessly dependent on technology, but I appreciate the convenience and possibilities that it offers.

6) The things I gain



Money isn't everything, but it's still very important. It represents materialistic value of things. To balance that, why not add holistic value to it by, perhaps, paying it forward and helping out those in need every now and then?

7) Being me



Most of all, I appreciate every opportunity I get to do things my way and try to be amazing at it. I may stumble along the way, but that's no big deal.

Best wishes to me!
Best wishes to you!
Best wishes to all!
God bless..

posted from Bloggeroid

I've Learned Valuable Things

Fangirls... fangirls... fangirls... and also fanboys..

The way I see it, for certain individuals like me, we have three separate but sometimes linked sides of life - personal life, professional life, and fandom life.

I'm sure many of you already know that personal life refers to matters that are close to us like family, friends, hobbies, interests, me-time, etc.  As for professional life, it obviously involves our formal learning, career, and other professional endeavours.

So.....what about fandom life?
I'll tell you what it's about.  As the name suggests, it revolves around the things that a "fan" typically does in an effort to support his or her favourite singers, actors, actresses, models, hosts, or any celebrity, and to keep himself or herself updated with what the stars are up to.  Some people often mislabel fangirls and fanboys who are active in their fandom activities as being "obsessed" or "delusional".
My response to that is: -
No no no...  We're not all like that.  Yes, there are some fans who tend to show their annoyingly obsessive side every now and then.  However, that doesn't mean that it's fair for anyone to jump into conclusion and assume that every self-declared fangirl or fanboy is exactly like that.  We're not, okay.  Like human beings in general, we have our own colours, personalities, and behaviour.  So, please don't simply have the false impression that all fangirls and fanboys are the same.  While we're at it, I would like to apologise if any of you had gone through unpleasant experiences with any fangirl or fanboy before.  Some of us are very young, some of us are almost clueless, some of us are rather emotional, some of us are quite headstrong.  So, sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Now, I hope that you have an idea of what fandom life is basically about.
To hardcore** fans, being part of the fandom movement is a joyful and fulfilling thing.  It can get stressful or tensed sometimes, but at the end of the day, it's all worth it as long as each fan knows how to 'mengukur baju di badan sendiri'.  If a new album comes out or if the artists are coming to town for a performance, it's great if many fans can purchase the original album or buy the performance tickets as a sign of support, but for fans who cannot afford it in terms of money, time, or energy, it's okay to be supportive in a different way - cheering from the sidelines, watching music shows, promoting the new album or event, etc.
(**P/S - Being hardcore in this context doesn't mean being insanely over-the-top.  I'm trying to refer to fans who always try their best to be supportive and participative by joining fanclubs, buying albums and merchandises, attending concerts or showcases or fanmeets, going to fans-only gatherings, and such.  I feel that "hardcore" is still quite an appropriate word here, but it's hardcore in a good way, you know?)

I feel fortunate to have the chance to become part of the staff members of a couple of voluntary K-pop fanclubs in Malaysia.  The 2 Malaysian fanclubs that I'm happily part of are MYB2UTY and MYBTOB.  Both MYB2UTY and MYBTOB are under Cube Global Official Fansites, assigned by Cube Entertainment some time ago.  MYB2UTY is a Malaysian fanclub for BEAST, whereby MYBTOB is a Malaysian fanclub for BTOB.  Check them out if you haven't.

Some of you might be wondering, what exactly do fanclub admins (staff members) do?
To answer that, I would like to first point out that being a fanclub admin is a voluntary and for-pure-fun thing.  We don't get paid for managing or updating fanclub sites, but we still do it anyway, for the sake of keeping other fans and ourselves updated with what our favourite stars are up to.  Apart from updating fans with news and information about the artists, fanclub admins also arrange preorders of the artists' albums and official merchandises, imported directly from South Korea (in the case of K-pop fanclubs).  Fanclub admins also organise meet-ups or gatherings with other fans in the same area or country.  Another important role of fanclub admins is to become the liaison personnel between fans and the organiser whenever there is an event (concert, showcase, fanmeet, festival, etc.) going on in the country, involving the relevant artists.  Not all organisers include fanclubs as part of their public relations (PR) engine.  Some organisers prefer to rely solely on their own PR team when it comes to promoting a specific event.  In my opinion, it's a wise move for organisers to directly involve fanclubs, especially official ones, in their marketing plan.  This is because existing members or followers of fanclubs already feel bonded and comfortable with the particular fanclubs, therefore, the organisers can reach out to the fans in a more effective and relevant manner.  Of course, constant, professional communication between the organisers and the fanclubs is essential in order for this to work.

So, what are the valuable things that I have learned so far as a fanclub admin?
1) Other things are first, not fanclub.
This may sound ironic after what I've written about how it's such a joyful thing for me to become a fangirl.  Don't get me wrong.  I really do enjoy being a fangirl even if it can get costly at times.  Despite that, my sanity ensures that I get my priorities straight.  Other matters like study, career, family and friends, are still above this whole fandom thingy.  There are times for work, there are times for winding down, and there are times for fangirling.  That's why being a fangirl (or a fanboy) is such a special thing.  As much as fans give their all in cheering for their favourite stars,  we also keep ourselves grounded by making an effort in other non-fandom things.  It's important for fans to distinguish between being truly passionate and being carried away.

2) Don't ever jump into conclusion.
I really don't favour those who always jump into conclusion.  I, myself, am constantly trying to become someone who doesn't jump into conclusion until I'm very sure of a certain matter.  A fandom-related example of this is when there's a rumour circulating about a particular artist, fan, or company.  Because of the advanced technology and telecommunication system these days, a mere word of mouth can be known by the whole world in a blink of an eye.  Sometimes, that certain "word of mouth" is pretty controversial and shocking.  It's normal to feel surprised or dumbfounded when we hear or read something, but until it's official and confirmed by relevant individuals, it remains as a rumour.  It can be a little complicated, though.  Sometimes, even 'official' statements aren't that genuine.  Hmm...

3) Guide others the way you would want to be guided.
Fanclub admins don't know everything.  A lot of fanclub admins know a lot of things, but still, we don't know everything.  There are things that we may not be aware of.  That's why we do our little researches and information-digging from time to time.  We certainly don't want to intentionally spread wrong information.  Even though there may be things that we may not know much about yet, it's still important to do our best to be as informative and helpful as possible.  Different fans have different level of awareness towards certain matters.  Some are quite independent and don't ask much unless very necessary.  On the other flip of the coin, some are a little bit clueless (which isn't really a bad thing) and tend to ask more questions even if the same questions have been asked and responded to before.  If time is available, make an effort to properly answer the questions, even repeated ones.  Fans just want to know.  So, let them know.

4) Always be transparent. 
Being transparent means that you don't hide anything unless it's very personal and it's none of other people's business.  If there's a piece of information that can possibly be helpful or interesting to fans, share it.  It's good to be specific enough so that the possibility of a misunderstanding can be minimised.

5) Sometimes, just let antis be antis.  
Dealing with antis (or haters or skeptics or trolls) is one of the things that can very much be a pain in the neck for fans.  So, what should we do about it?  We simply don't deal with these creatures individuals.  I know that it's sometimes very difficult to just ignore the hateful remarks that some antis make out of their childish dissatisfaction or jealousy(?).  Just be strong and believe in the artists that you're supporting.  Occasional rebuts on what the antis have to say may be necessary, but stay calm and rational in your arguments.  Also, know when to stop and just walk away.  Antis really aren't worth our precious time.

A Roller-Coaster Called Life

"Life is like . . . . ."

I'm sure a lot of us, if not all, have come across many different versions of the quote above.  Each person may interpret life in his or her own way.  Sometimes, the closest interpretation that we can relate to depends on a particular situation or event.  Therefore, there is no right or wrong interpretation, only relatable and non-relatable ones.

So, one of the quotes about life that I can personally relate to is "Life is like a roller-coaster.".  One day, we're so uplifted that we feel like we're on top of the world, another day, we may feel so down as if there's no possible lower ground than the one we're at.

Therefore, I would like to share this brilliant quote by a pastor/ preacher/ author named Charles Rozell Swindoll (a.k.a Chuck Swindoll).

"Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitudes toward life.  The longer I live, the more convinced I become that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it." - Swindoll, C.R.

In a nutshell, it's not what happens to us that matters the most.  It's how we respond to it.

승이, 힘내세요! Please.

It's funny how one occurrence can make the rest of the initially okay day become disheartening. You'd say that it's the circle of life and everyone faces it sooner or later. I know that. Still, I feel so down right now. The smiles and laughter I had in class earlier today are just by gones now. At least, that's how it seems to me for the rest of this unfortunate day. ㅠㅠ I'm so sad right now. It isn't related to my own family or relatives or friends but the person involved is very dear to me.

You know how much of a BEAST's fan I am, right? That's my #1 group. Even though I love all members so much, I have a favourite member and it's Jang Hyun Seung. And it's his father who passed away today. He had a heart attack.

According to reports, the whole Jang family was taken aback by the sudden passing because the father was healthy and no symptoms were shown. It was said that Seungie (the nickname I affectionately call Hyun Seung as) was in the state of shock. The rest of BEAST members cancelled their scheduled activities for the day to join in the mourning. Being an idol singer who lives with his group members and not his family, Seungie hadn't been seeing his father so often. Plus, he's been extremely busy with work like the other members. One of the occasional meetings between Father Jang and Son Jang that fans were aware of was when BEAST's fathers made a surprise appearance on a talk show that BEAST guested on. I remember thinking that Seungie looks like his father. Even my dad saw them and agreed. I also thought that Father Jang was quite a good dancer after seeing the fathers dance to a BEAST's song during the show. Ah! The sad feeling is coming back to me! ㅠㅠ I'm really worried. It's not that I don't believe in Seungie's willpower and perseverance. In fact, I'm confident of how persevering he can be. But having to cope with a family member's death, especially a father's, is not even close to easy no matter how you look at it. Now, Seungie has to continue to persevere and move on with his mother and younger sister. BEAST is getting busier as a sought-after group of singers. I don't want Seungie to feel overwhelmed. Just be strong and stronger, Seungie! ㅜㅜ

I got the news once I got back from campus. As I was entering the car while still at campus, I received a news notification. I could only read part of the title preview that read something like "BEAST cancels activities after Jang...". I knew it was about Hyun Seung because that'a his family name but I couldn't read the rest of the news yet at that time. I was quite in a rush to go back because the weather was turning dark all of a sudden. It was sunny earlier on. In the middle of my journey back home, it rained heavily. Water puddles on the road are always a challenge when driving in the rain, especially for a driver like me who doesn't like to go slow for too long. Impaired view is another. Of course, extra care needs to be taken since the road is slippery.

When I reached home, I checked the related news and my jaw just dropped. "...Jang Hyun Seung's father passed away.." ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I don't personally know him even though I'd always wanted to meet him. However, I felt really sad. I told my family members about it. They were surprised too. Mom tried to make it sound okay by saying that everyone will someday have to deal with such a thing. Yes, mom. But it's still sad. ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

I didn't even feel like updating MYBTOB with new pictures of BTOB (BEAST's junior group) on Mnet M! Countdown. The group was having their 'Wow' performance on that music show as part of their promotional activity. There were a number of adorable and eye-candy pictures but I only posted one, which was a group picture, on MYBTOB page. I live-streamed to watch BTOB's performance. I was so proud of them but no voice or shriek of cheering could come out of me. I just smiled for a while because BTOB did awesome as expected.

God, pour Your love and grace upon the Jang family and the people around them. May Jang 아바님 rest in peace. Everyone, be strong!

Time to Step it Up. For Real!

Woah...it's becoming more and more real! I have only one year left before earning my bachelor degree! Hopefully, things will go well and I'll get to graduate as originally planned. I kind of gave myself a scare a few times before when thoughts that are similar to "What if I get tired of studying before I even get to graduate?" lingered in my mind. They're just thoughts, though. And they came several times only when I felt very very tired after sleepless nights due to assignments or revisions. I used to be very studious when I was younger. I'm thankful to God for giving me a good enough brain and willpower to have interest in academics since young because I believe that early stage education is crucial. But then again, I also believe that learning is a lifelong process. We never stop learning about so many things as long as we live. That's a good thing, definitely, because it keeps our minds sharp and functional.

It's getting more nerve-wrecking for me now that I'll be in my final year. It's not just the academics. Yes, academics is indubitably a vital portion but that alone is not enough if I want my days to be perpetually fruitful. This is about my future, after all. I don't always like to be all serious about things but it's necessary sometimes, right? Just don't add unnecessary stress. Stressful situations will come and go. We just need to be strong when they come and loosen up when they go away. Go with the flow, as some would say.

Alright, so the final year in university is probably the most crucial for everyone, right? True enough, there are some things that must not be taken lightly. I haven't gone through my final year yet but I have some ideas how it's going to be like. It won't be all glittery and glamorous (although I think that senior students deserve some of that >.<) because of these reasons:
1) We have two semesters left to either maintain or improve our cumulative grade point average (CGPA).
2) We need to give our best effort in completing our final year project (FYP).
3) We are required to go through an internship for a few months prior to our graduation ceremony.
4) We should be envisioning more vividly where we want ourselves to be as career individuals.
5) Let's face it. We've got to think about settling down and starting a family sooner or later. [If mom reads this, she'll nag something like "People these days are getting more modern and career-focus. You can think about getting married when you're over 30." Okay mom! I get that. I'm just listing out the things that we're getting closer to as we get another year older. It's not like I'm planning to get married right after I graduate. Unless 승이 puts aside his celebrity status and suddenly proposes. But do I have to be 30? I mean, I know I look younger than my age but....really?]
OMG I feel like a real adult! That's just....a little weird. A little.

A macro that I made to sum up how I'm feeling now

Alright, I'll write out my elaborations on the five items above.
-Item 1-
Semester by semester, I've been busting my butt off (*Not trying to sound inappropriate here by using a word that refers to a particular body part. It's a metaphor, okay? I know you'd get it.*) to get worthwhile results. Let me admit this - I could have done better. But I'm grateful that I didn't do so badly. Plus, I have this personal issue with perfection where perfection freaks me out a little bit, so a perfect set of grades might not suit me well. LOL.. I feel like I've put on mediocre effort a few times before. *Sigh* Frankly, my result for the 4th semester is the worst by far. >.< I promise to be more disciplined and motivated, okay? God, grant me patience and wisdom, alright? It's only going to get tougher but as the saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." Very true.

-Item 2-
Oh, FYP! I know it was created for the sake of the students but I would be lying if I said that it's not a burden at all. Just like in examinations or assignments, I don't like it when I get mediocre results. If I plan to do well, I should go all the way. Let's all do that! So...for my FYP, I had been thinking since the beginning of last semester. If possible, I would rather do a topic that's a little unconventional than typical Finance topics but it has to still be related to my major. That's just how I am. If there's a way to be different (in a good way), why not? Plus, I want to do something that's quite close to my own likings. Therefore, my proposed FYP topic is about Korean pop culture! And since Finance is my major, I chose to relate it to stock performances. Truthfully, I have some doubts every now and then on whether or not I'll be able to pull it off. It's not easy to make certain people get the significance of your own ideas and beliefs, you see. But this is part of it. If there are people who are skeptical about what you're doing, stand by what you believe in and try your best to convince them. Just try and try. That will make your experience so much more meaningful.

-Item 3-
Now.....I also need to think about internship. It's one of the requirements in order for us to successfully complete our degree but I don't want my internship to be just an internship. I can't predict how it's going to be but I want to somehow enjoy it, or part of it. Well, I'm the kind of person who can be a little bit of everything, so it might be harder for me to see what really clicks with me. Therefore, I need  to wisely choose from the options that I have and stick through it once I've made my decision. This is another thing that makes me feel a little anxious. Ahh...it must be the high-achiever side of me from the time I was younger. As much as I like to be carefree, I must not take this lightly.

-Item 4-
My career option would depend on the opportunities that I see at the time when I need to apply for a job. I don't know where I'll end up at but I hope I'll learn to like what I do and be very good at it. Taking chances can lead to greater outcomes but I must be reasonable too. So, we'll see.

-Item 5-
I'll leave this part to destiny for now.


25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
(Matthew 6:25-26)

Best wishes to everyone!
BTW, hello September!

I Resorted to Pain Killers

Quoting the chorus of BTOB's 'Secret (Insane)', ♪♫ You make me go insane.. You give me so much PAIN..

That was pretty much how I've been feeling these past few days.  It's a physiological matter, though.  So, I couldn't have avoided it no matter how much I wanted to.

Before you get the wrong idea and freak out, thinking that I'm really going insane due to having to deal with so much pain, let me clarify it.

Since Monday morning, I've been having abdominal cramps at my lower abdomen.  At first, it didn't really bother me because I thought it was just the time of the month (which should be kind of strange since I've just had it literally two weeks ago).  As the sullen Monday morning went on and I was in the middle of one of my classes, the cramping felt more intense and lasting.  It made me feel so uncomfortable that I decided not to attend the afternoon class.  When I got home, I rested at the couch for a while.  Ironically, lying down made me feel more uncomfortable.  So, I kept changing my position but it came to no avail.  I started to worry.....not due to the fact that I'm in physical pain, but I was worried that I might not be able to get my piling assignments and mid-term revisions done.  *Sigh*  Life is hard, you know.  I had several glasses of warm water with the hope that the warmth would make my abdominal muscles more relaxed, resulting in less pain.  Sadly, I couldn't feel any changes, or even if that helped a little bit, I might not have noticed it because the pain was just too distracting.  So, the rest of the day went on with me battling against the cramps that I kept thinking would go away voluntarily.  It was already night time and I wasn't feeling any better.  Earlier on, when I was texting a friend (or was it a family member?), I faced a difficulty because my hands were slightly shaking.  Must be the pain.  It was frustrating.  I decided to call it a day even though the night was still young (in my normal personal time zone) since there was nothing much that I could do even if I stayed awake.  Before hitting my lovely bed, I consumed Panadol Menstrual, pink-coloured pain killer pills that were readily available in the fridge.  I wasn't sure if taking up those pills would ease the pain, but I thought why not.  After that, I went to bed.....but I didn't really sleep.  I couldn't!  As mentioned earlier, I felt more uncomfortable when lying down.  How was I supposed to rest if I couldn't even lie down?!!  I kept moving here and there to find a close-to-comfortable position.  At one point, I found that sitting on the floor with my head on the bed (like it's a table) was more comfortable than lying on the bed itself.

In the morning, I woke up from my not-really sleep and went downstairs at around 5.  The first thing I did was taking up more pain killers.  No worries, I didn't over-consume them by exceeding the suggested dosage.  After that, I went back to bed because it wasn't my turn to take bath and get ready yet.  Time passed by and I couldn't even get up because of the cramps.  I then informed my friends that I would be staying at home for that day (yesterday).  Yesterday went on pretty much the same as the day before.  I couldn't do anything productive and was struggling with the feeling of discomfort and pain that came around uninvited every now and then.  If it were a person, I would totally condemn it and curse it with words that I don't even understand.  Sorry, it wasn't me, it was my painful soul talking (or writing?).  I had a warm glass of Milo to comfort my tummy.  Even though it was temporary, at least it worked for that moment.

This morning, I was determined to attend the class.  It was just one class, anyway.  I felt a little better.  To make sure that I wouldn't be bothered off-guard by the cramps (Imagine getting cramps attack while driving....not fun!), I took a couple of pain killers after my light breakfast.  I managed to go through the morning with just slight feeling of heaviness and aching in my abdomen.  Now I'm home.  I'm starting to feel that the effect of the pain killers is wearing off bit by bit.  Please don't make me take up more~  I have mid-term tests and assignments to get done this week!  Have mercy~

God, heal our tired minds and hearts.

lately, whenever i feel drained, i find myself turning on my phone or the laptop, and ending up listening to U-KISS's 'Someday', among other songs in my playlist.  this song is like BEAST's 'Lights Go On Again' to me.  even though i don't completely understand the language (yet ;) ), i can relate to it.  even without knowing the English translation of the song, you would still be able to grasp the message.  English phrases like "everybody knows you tried", "everybody knows it's alright", "you get some right, you get some wrong", "the past is the past", "everybody wins sometimes, everybody knows you lose some" clearly give the idea that it's about facing hardships and feeling exhausted.  just don't give up!  i know it's easier said than done, but let's toughen up, okay?

"I followed my heart. I kept going even tho ppl think I m a fool. But I know wt God has prepared for me, and here I am STILL walking. :)" - Xander (@alexander_0729)

"You are created and fashioned by the Master. He made you just the way you are, and He has a specific and amazing plan for you." - Joel Osteen (@JoelOsteen)

take the message of this song to your heart.

the live version of the song, just to show you the gorgeous members of this group. :p

p/s: i still miss the former members, Xander and Ki Bum, though.  always...but let's move on, okay?

English translation:

sometimes hit, sometimes miss, it’s always like that

just do it right tomorrow

it’s just a small mistake

sometimes bottom, sometimes top, sometimes number one

getting first place

you can only go down anyway

without it, just live without it

it’s just greed you have before you win it...oh

your suffering now is a sign of your hard work

everybody knows you tried

everybody knows it’s alright

you get some right, you get some wrong

although tiring, there will be days to smile

when you fall down, when you get up

although tiring, there will be days to smile

eventually a day to smile will come

if it’s a separation, just let her go

she might show lying tears

maybe it wasn’t destiny

people who have to go, just go

sure being next to them, it might happen...oh

being tired right now is an evidence of your love

everybody knows you tried

everybody knows it’s alright

you get some right, you get some wrong

although tiring, there will be days to smile

when you fall down, when you get up

although tiring, there will be days to smile

eventually a day to smile will come

the past is the past...is the past

previous memories

it’s the past

the long painful days

the past is the past...is the past

the days to forget you

everybody wins sometimes

everybody knows you lose some

you get some right, you get some wrong

although tiring, there will be days to smile

when you fall down, when you get up

although tiring there will be days to smile

eventually a day to smile will come

eventually a day to smile will come

credit: kevinwookissme @ tumblr

We are Warriors, Fighting Our Own Battles.

life isn't easy, is it?  there may be moments when you slip through situations with ease, but there are also times when things seem a little too tough to handle.  "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going."  you've heard of this saying, haven't you?  so, let's hold on to it at times when challenges seem to be our faithful companions.  hard times come and go, but how we react to them is what matters more than the difficulties themselves.

problems may come to your door out of the blue, and people may annoy you (yes, this is sadly unavoidable).  just don't give in!  be strong inside.  you can't always make things go your way and you might not always meet pleasant people.  as long as you have the best intentions in whatever you do, you'll see better days ahead.

sometimes, you can't help but to feel down due to whatever reasons.  it's okay to feel a little down at times but don't stay down for long.  it's not worth it.  it's just not worth it.  God's right there watching over you.  He believes in you and knows that you're capable of going through each day.  keep asking for His guidance and blessing.  you'll be okay.  you're a warrior!

yup, it has been a crazy semester.

30-11-2011:

there was a blackout as i was diligently doing my assignment.  it turned out that the electricity cable at our house was too old and couldn't function anymore.  the workers from SESCO (Sarawak Electricity Supply Corporation) came over to change the cable.  everything went back to normal at 1:00 in the morning.  so, my work was delayed because of that.

まだ いきてる かな. . .

my level of endurance is really being tested.  the same thing goes to some of you too, perhaps. work, school, or life itself can get pretty exhausting.  sometimes, there's no easy way when it comes to dealing with those tiring things in our life.  just remember to breathe in and breathe out, okay?

anyhow, this is my side of the story... chewah.. xD

it's not so much a story.  in fact, it's not even close to being a story.  haha..  just a list of the tiring-but-inevitable things that i currently need to face.

(1) commuting to-and-fro for classes four days a week (the early morning traffic makes it =.='.)

(2) remembering yet-to-be-familiar theories and formula for core and elective subjects

(3) attending one more (darn) softskill class

(4) revising Japanese Language for the purpose of assessments, exam, and daily life (it gets tougher for each lesson.  i'm not kidding.  still, it's fun!)

(5) completing seemingly never-ending assignments, with more than just satisfactory outcomes
(6) going to substitute classes that are usually held in the evening

(7) mid-term exam!  the nearest one is in two days!!  God, pour us with Your blessings and inner strength.

じゃあ...まいにち がんばります!  あきらめないよね.

"whatever you say.. whatever you do.. there will be good times waiting for you.."  so, endure the hard times!

berakit-rakit ke hulu,

berenang-renang ke tepian,

bersakit-sakit dahulu,

bersenang-senang kemudian

ada paham?? ^^v

Sikda Jodoh!

nang sikda jodoh ngan PTPTN!  masa sem 1 last year, sik sempat mok apply.  so, before this current semester started, my dad applied online on my behalf.  check2 dapat tawaran.  tapi.....ada2 jak dugaan yang mendatang.  tok la kisahnya...


sidak PTPTN datang ke kampus 21-23 September, dari 9 pagi sampey 5 petang.  jadi, hari marek, hari tok, ngan besok la ya nak.  marek ya, mek pergi sesi semakan ngan penghantaran dokumen2.  nang pun dari awal expect rami gilak orang.  kedak pelarian tunggu giliran mok kena berik makanan jak bah.  haha...  nang berjam2 nunggu giliran.  ngam2 juak marek ya mek lambat kit turun ke kampus.  tunggu punya tunggu...last2 sik sempat mok settle marek.  habis dah office hour.  balit jak la dengan hati yang redha.  then, pagi tok tek, terpaksa skip class Japanese Language stegal mok ngurus benda ya la.  dari 8++ pagi dah rami student nunggu siya.  taklimat kejap jam 9 tek.  kakya, ambik nombor giliran.  jam 12 tengahari baru giliran sampey.  time ya sepatutnya ada kelas Financial Management.  apakan daya, skip ya juak.  :'(  sidak check2 la dokumen2 semua.  semua dokumen ada.  sigek benda kecik tapi besar tok nok polah hal.  =.=  dalam sigek surat pengesahan pelajar nok sidak BPPS berik dolok ya, nama program sik sama ngan nama program nok di ngkah dalam borang PTPTN ya.  BPPS berik nama nok ringkas jak, sikda "Ijazah Sarjana Muda dengan Kepujian..." kedak ya.  PTPTN mok juak exact nama panjang nya.  nok tok boleh difahami la sebab sidak nya.  i totally get it.  nang logik pun.  jadi, mek pegi la ke tempat yang berkenaan untuk nanyak pasal nama program ya.  sidak padah, dalam sistem nang pun nama pendek ya jak di ngkah.  sidak sik boleh la sebarang2 jak tukar info dalam sistem ya nak.  kakak ya suruh call sorang tok.  mek pun call.  then, sorang nok di call ya suruh call sorang nok lain gik sebab nya nang sik dapat polah apa2 pasal ya.  dah di luar bidang kuasa nya nak.  (haha...sepa mala padah ayat tok ow? "di luar bidang kuasa..." xD)  by that time, dah lunch break.  sidak office tutup la kejap.  perut dah lapar.  tambah gik kepak ulang alik bejalan dari sigek bangunan ke bangunan lain.  boleh tahan jauh.  payung cute kamek dah rosak gik ya.  huhu...  baru prasan.  malang sik berbau nak?  haha...tiba2.  jadi, sementara nunggu lunch break abis, mek pun berkunjung ke KFC Samarahan ya.  sorang2 jak.  kawan2 lain gik ada kelas.  solo ranger la time ya.  agak rami juak orang beratur siya.  tapi apa2 pun, mesti beli Zinger burger!  ya jak dipikir time ya.  mun stress2, boh sampey perut terseksa nak.  masa dah duduk di meja makan (duduk ya sebenarnya atas kerusi, bukan atas meja nya.  boh salah faham ngan "duduk di meja makan" ya k.), mek SMS mom and dad, complain ngan sidak pasal betapa kepaknya ngurus benda ya.  haha...  dah la belum habis terurus gik.  ada juak rasa mok give up.  serius lelah aih!  tapi daddy padah iboh give up lok.  sayang mun ditandah kedak ya jak.  benar juak nak.  jadi, kamek habiskan lok burger ngan fries ngan wedges ngan aek Revive.  kakya, balit ke kampus untuk sambung nanyak pasal urusan nok belum selesai ya tek.  lekak mek explain dengan panjang lebar, sidak padah dalam sistem nang sik dapat ditukar nama program ya ke nama panjangnya.  sebab dari mula dolok nama nya kedak ya.  ngam2 juak batch baru tok sidak lengkapkan nama program ya.  sukati nya mpun jak nukar2 nama program ow.  biar la konsisten.  jadi, nanyak gik sidak PTPTN mun bena2 sik dapat proceed mun nama ya lain sikit.  tok la susahnya mun sistem mala jak ditukar2.  sik selaras lalu lain2 tahun.  *sigh*  kira sik dapat la proceed.  mek call daddy untuk update nya.  nya padah mun dah kedak ya, try apply lain kali jak ka apa ka.  apa boleh buat?  terus balit rumah jak la kakya.  kelas Business Communication dah start setengah jalan time ya.  sik bagus juak mun masuk lambat gilak nak.  ya la part paling polah sik puas ati.  tang ada jak sik turun kelas sehari2.  sikda juak hasilnya.  nang sikda mood tek.  nektok pun.  contact lenses pun dah rasa kering.  mok tido lok!  apa2 masalah atau isu...lupakan lok.  hidup mesti enjoy!  ^^v


naa...nak ka dah dalam bahasa Sarawak post tok!  walaupun bercampur2 kedak rojak.


oh, if you have the time, listen to this song, 'A Bitter Day' by Hyuna, and G.Na, and Jun Hyung.  CUBE family!  one of the sad, gloomy, but brilliant songs that i kind of like.  :)  speaking of Jun Hyung (BEAST's main rapper), his laptop was stolen on his way back to South Korea from Spain.  kesian kan?

H-O-P-E

no matter how hard things are, no matter how down you feel, no matter how many times you fall, no matter how tired you've become...

never lose hope. at least not so easily.

i know it's easier said than done, but just promise that you'll endure things patiently. at least try. i'll do the same.

:)

here's my little 'hope' tattoo. it's fake tattoo, BTW. i like it.

here's 'Lights Go On Again' by my favourite K-pop group, BEAST. listen to the lyrics (read the translation).